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Michael: [
on Buster's bike accident] You were flying today, buddy.
Buster: Yes, I was flying. But a little too close to the sun.
Lucille: You let him go in the sun?
Narrator: [
Michael and Buster are putting on biking gear] Michael decides to fill the void left by his son with his brother.
Michael: You know, I'm in pretty good shape. You could be eating my dust out there!
Narrator: And Buster was giving as good as he received.
Buster: Yeah, and you could be
[
loooooong expletive]
Buster: that's gonna
[
looooong expletive]
Buster: !
Michael: [
stunned] Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that.
Buster: [
about Lucille] It's like she gets off on being withholding.
Michael Bluth: Whoa, Buster!
Gob: Look who's ragging on the old lady!
Buster: Because I'm an uptight
[
long bleep]
Buster: Buster
[
long bleep]
Buster: you old horny slut!
Michael Bluth: [
stunned] Nobody's going to top that.
Michael: [
in a meeting, Buster is making lots of noise building a bike] We're here, and we're focused, and...
[
interrupts]
Michael: BUSTER! You cant do that in the snack room, pal?
Buster: Mom told me to stay away from microwaves.
Lucille: Candy bar?
Buster: [
reaches for the offered candy]
Lucille: [
takes it back] No, I'm withholding it.
[
pause]
Lucille: Look at me, getting off.
Lucille: You know I always get this way around Motherboy.
Michael: Oh, God, it's Motherboy time already?
Lucille: Normally, I'd go with Buster but he doesnt want to go. But with you, I think I've got a shot.
Michael: Buster for the first time ever, doesnt want to do this?
Narrator: [
voice over] Motherboy was the name of an annual dance promoting mother-son bonding. Lucille has gone with Buster over 30 times, and on many occasions, won cutest couple. But as one entered sexual maturity and the other one left it, it became increasingly difficult.
Lucille: [
Buster and Lucille are getting their picture taken] I'm so hot.
Buster: If you were hot, mother, we would win!
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Lindsay finds herself strangely compelled to be with Tobias...
Lindsay Funke: Oh my god, I'm sorry, I walked into the wrong trailer!
Dave Attell: Wow, the service sent you over quick.
Narrator: ...But not the one she's married to.
Lindsay Funke: [
he quickly disrobes] You don't cry when you take those off?
Narrator: Having finally had sex, GOB can admit that he never consummated his marriage.
George "Gob" Bluth II: Your Honor, we never consummated this marriage.
Wife of Gob: Judge, maybe you should take a look at this, which was taken in your office just moments ago.
[
She hands the judge a picture, and GOB is seen shirtless with the shirt over his head]
Narrator: Then GOB catches a lucky break.
Judge Lionel Ping: There's no way to tell who this man is.
Narrator: But it doesn't last long.
George "Gob" Bluth II: Oh that's me, your honor, I fucked my wife.
Barry Zuckerkorn: Oh, we've really lost this case.
Narrator: And Maeby impresses some kids at the Promise Land with her one scary campfire story.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Knock, scrape. The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call!
[
Buster enters the clearing while holding up his hook]
Buster: Hey, campers.
[
the kids all scream and run away]
Buster: I'm a monster!
Michael: This may have been a step backward.
Michael: Buster, you cant zip-line over there!
Buster: Either I zip down or he zips up! And that is a mighty long zipper on Mother's Cher jumpsuit! You have to get on your knees to start it!
Michael: This is much less scary. Godspeed, Buster!
Buster: [
holding up a trophy] And I finally feel good about myself. "Saddest".
Michael: And I saw those people, that was a very competitive category.
Buster: My army training is telling me that this is a hot mission.
Michael: Hot mission! We're on a hot mission!
Buster: Maybe we should call it "Operation: Hot Mother."
Michael: No, no, let's try to top that.
Narrator: They never did, and later, Operation: Hot Mother was under way.
Michael Bluth: Mom wanted me to tell you she doesn't care whether you live or die, but if you're not dead, she would like to see you at the courthouse tomorrow in a blue sweater.
Buster: Dammit! I hate the blue sweater!
Michael Bluth: She said it would look nice with the gray pants.
Buster: Dammit! She's right!
Marta: [
to a fighting Michael and Gob] What is wrong with you? I thought you were good people. I thought you were noble. I thought you care about family, but you clearly don't. It's over. Both of you. It's over.
Buster: Wait, wait. What about... what about me?
Marta: I'm sorry, I'm not totally sure who you are.
Buster: Wow. Wow. That's what it feels like to get punched in the face.
Buster: No, mother, I can blow myself and you have interfered for the last time!
Michael: Oh my god, they just shot off Buster's good arm.
Byron "Buster" Bluth: And that's why you dont use a one-armed person to scare someone!
George Bluth Sr.: I certainly didn't teach Buster how to compete, and look at how he turned out!
Byron "Buster" Bluth: I think Mother is raising me just fine.
George Bluth Sr.: I used my contacts to get you a job and you quit!
Narrator: The job was at an Iraqi-owned toy store who wanted to use Buster to deter shoplifters.
Buster: [
Lucille has just had a face lift] The doctor said, "No kissing her on the face for one week." I was like, "Make it two weeks, see if I care!"
[
in Lupe's house, Buster finds a chair that looks like a hand]
Byron "Buster" Bluth: Hey, it's my old hand chair. I never thought I'd miss a hand so much.
Michael: I'm going to have to start putting people in the trunk.
Narrator: At that very moment, Buster was climbing into the trunk.
Buster: [
videotaping himself] Mother, when you see this tape, you will know that I've left. Not out of cowardice, but out of... man, it's tired in here!@
Narrator: Six minutes later, Michael stopped to drop off his mother's housekeeper.
Buster: [
Buster climbs out of the trunk] Mexico.
Narrator: In fact, Buster was in Santa Ana, a town six minutes inland from his own, but the combination of losing his glasses and breathing carbon monoxide had impaired Buster's judgement.
Buster: [
seeking shelter] This will keep me safe from the hot Mexican sun.
Lupe: Excuse me, what are you doing?
Buster: I'm trying to find a place to live!
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Buster reclaims his favorite hand chair.
[
Buster sees Lucille and Oscar having sex in it]
Narrator: But the victory is short lived.
Buster: Make love in your OWN hand, MOTHER!
Lindsay Bluth Fünke: Face it, Michael, Maybe the reason you keep coming back is because you need us.
Michael: Hmmm. Oh, that's rich. Huh. I need you. Alright, I'll tell you what. Mom, you're always asking me to help you look after Buster? You can find somebody else. I hope she doesn't kill you.
Buster: I'll kill her first!
Michael: And good luck trying to find someone to run the business, by the way. G.O.B., instead of always coming to me looking for money, saying, "I've made a huge mistake," you can bail yourself out next time.
Gob: I've never admitted to a mistake. What would I have made a mistake about?
Michael
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